So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
