you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
