i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
