Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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