I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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