just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
