i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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