smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
