the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
