did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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