I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
