I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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