I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
