We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
