Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
