YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
