I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
