Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
