There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
