Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
