You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
