she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
