I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
