I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
