I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
