today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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