Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
