I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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