when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
