When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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