I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
