I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
