I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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