I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
