I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he thought i was a dude.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
