i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
