So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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