I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
