I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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