Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
