Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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