After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He shit in the fireplace
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
