you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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