You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
