I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
