awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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