I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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