toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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