where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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