It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
