as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize