i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
