Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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