I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
