Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
