If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Screwed.edu
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
