I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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