marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
