My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize