The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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