I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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