if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
