His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
