Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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