I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
