Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize