so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
