Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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