NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
