I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
