Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
