Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
