the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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