8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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