bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
