When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
