we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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