the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize