in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
